


Drunk Off Of Nothing But Each Other

by scruffylou



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Smut, but i'm dramatic, i just love cashton, poor lukey, sad boys kissing, sorry all my stuff is angsty, sorry i didn't even mention luke!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-03
Updated: 2014-10-03
Packaged: 2018-02-19 16:33:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2395256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scruffylou/pseuds/scruffylou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Calum looked at the messy coffee table and the piles of books that were over flowing from the couch to the floor.  “Ash…have you been leaving the house at all?” he asked quietly.  The question hung tensely in the air and mixed with the dust and the light beams and the buzz of the TV running.</p><p>“Yeah,” Ashton snapped.  “I just don’t invite anyone here.  I just hung out with Michael yesterday.  Why?”</p><p>“I dunno…” Calum hesitated.  “Things just don’t usually look like this.”</p><p>Ashton sipped his tea again.  His glasses steamed up a little and the mug was dwarfed between his huge hands.  “You wouldn’t know, would you?”</p><p>“Because you wouldn’t let me.”</p><p>“Would YOU let you?” Ashton raised his eyebrows and stared at Calum without really blinking.  </p><p>Calum had to look down at his tea.  He felt a little sick.  “No.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drunk Off Of Nothing But Each Other

**Author's Note:**

> The end is a little rushed, but I'm bad at endings. I love you all! Thank you for reading if you do :)

“Let me in, Ash.”  Calum stood outside the door of a small house on the edge of the city.  The street was pretty quiet, and the soft glow of the evening sun and the chirp of the bugs that only come out in the spring was calm and sweet.  The surroundings held a stark contrast to Calum’s mood.  He was on edge, shifting from one foot to the other with his hands clenched into fists in the pocket of his hoodie.  He was digging into his palms with his fingernails, scraping his skin along the way with his bass-guitar-callused fingertips. 

 

He pulled out one of his hands and pounded on the door again with his knuckles.  “I’m not home,” a distant voice called from somewhere inside.  Calum sighed.  Ashton’s voice was always full of life and positivity and on the edge of a giggle, but the voice that had called back to him was monotone.  It made him sad, if it was possible to be any sadder.

 

“Dammit, please just let me in.  It’s been two months,” Calum begged earnestly, leaning his forehead against the door and closing his eyes.

 

“I’m never going to let you in.  Fuck off.”  Calum bit the inside of his lower lip and tried to draw blood.  Ashton was stubborn.  He didn’t know if this was going anywhere, but he had to try; he had to search Ashton’s face for any chance that he could forgive him and let him back in; that what they had wasn’t over.

 

“Ash, please.  I need to see you,” Calum said a little more weakly.  He tried not to let his voice crack, but it broke off at the end and he opened his eyes again.  He stared at the worn, wood grain of the door and focused on not crying.  He didn’t deserve to cry and he knew it.

 

“Go away,” Ashton said hastily, as if trying to brush him off.  It was easy for Calum to tell that he was trying to keep his voice cold, but he was closer now; judging by the sound he could’ve been right on the other side of the door.  Calum pictured him there, leaning against it too.  Maybe their faces were close.  Maybe if he put his hand up to the warm, rough wood he could almost touch Ashton’s on the other side.

 

“I’m sorry,” he all but whispered, lips almost touching the door.  He knew Ashton could hear him.

 

“You’re always sorry.  It’s pathetic,” Ashton said back, voice heavy and full of something, some weight that he didn’t want to let go on Calum no matter how mad he was.

 

“I’m sorry for being sorry then,” Calum muttered.

 

“Quit it.”

 

“I can’t.”  Ashton didn’t say anything back.  What was there to say?  Calum waited, but nothing came and he was worried that Ashton had moved away from the door; upstairs and to bed and away from him and done with this.  “I know I fucked up,” he tried, and then more quietly, more cautiously, “but it can’t be over.”

 

The door started to open suddenly and Calum almost fell forward through it, but he caught himself and found himself face to face with golden curls and a scruffy face and bright hazel eyes that were watering at the corners behind turtle shell glasses.  Besides his sad eyes, he looked angry, cheekbones drawn tight and lips pursed, thick eyebrows pushed together and cheeks a little red.

 

“You ended it.  You fucking ended it yourself, so don’t you ever blame me for that,” he spat out, glaring at Calum with fire in his eyes.  At least it got him to open the door, Calum thought to himself as he looked down, kind of ashamed to even try to face Ashton.  He was right.  Everything he was saying was right.

 

“Ashton please, I was so dumb.  I was an idiot,” he said quietly, voice falling into the cracks on the old, concrete porch.

 

“You’re still an idiot,” Ashton said with venom.

 

“Ash-“ he whimpered, voice quivering as he looked up at Ashton with his wide, dark, watery eyes.  

 

“Your fucking eyes, quit it Calum,” Ashton sighed heavily.  The arm that he had been clutching the doorknob with went slack and his shoulders dropped.  He could never be that strong when it came to the dark haired boy that was practically crying on his front steps.

 

“Just let me in.”

 

Ashton sighed again and let his fingers brush the knob and fall away.  He shoved the door open with his foot and stomped inside, disappearing towards the kitchen but leaving the door open to let Calum follow.  He took a shaky breath and stepped over the threshold into the dim house.  All of the blinds were shut.  The carpet made the room feel heavy and dust swirled in the cracks of sunshine that snuck in through the lines of the blinds.  There were empty food bowls all over the coffee table and the TV was on but it was muted.  It gave Calum the chills.

 

He hadn’t actually expected Ashton to let him in and now he didn’t really know what to do.  He had been coming to knock on the door every other day for two months and while he had caught Ashton leaving to go to the grocery store one day (he’d ignored him, walked past him like he didn’t exist), he hadn’t seen him besides that.

 

He shut the front door and walked over to the couch.  He pushed a pile of books and papers to the side and sat down.  He could hear Ashton clanking around in the kitchen.  He stared at the TV for a few minutes.  It was just some infomercial for timeshares near the beach.  Finally Ashton reemerged from the kitchen with two mugs, steam coming off the tops of them.  He didn’t bother to turn any lights on, just sat in the armchair near the couch and set the mugs on the coffee table.

 

Calum reached for the one closest to him.  “Thanks,” he smiled softly.  Ashton took a sip from his and just turned the corners of his mouth up for a second in response.  Not really a smile, Calum knew what his real smile looked liked.

 

Calum looked at the messy coffee table and the piles of books that were over flowing from the couch to the floor.  “Ash…have you been leaving the house at all?” he asked quietly.  The question hung tensely in the air and mixed with the dust and the light beams and the buzz of the TV running.

 

“Yeah,” Ashton snapped.  “I just don’t invite anyone here.  I just hung out with Michael yesterday.  Why?”

 

“I dunno…” Calum hesitated.  “Things just don’t usually look like this.”

 

Ashton sipped his tea again.  His glasses steamed up a little and the mug was dwarfed between his huge hands.  “You wouldn’t know, would you?”

 

“Because you wouldn’t let me.”

 

“Would YOU let you?” Ashton raised his eyebrows and stared at Calum without really blinking.  

 

Calum had to look down at his tea.  He felt a little sick.  “No.”

 

They were quiet after that.  Ashton drummed his foot on the floor nervously and Calum could feel him staring at him over the rim of his mug.  Ashton turned the TV up eventually and turned it to some music documentary about David Bowie.  He stared at the screen intently, but Calum only stared at him and wondered if he was actually watching it.  It was awkward.  The whole situation felt awkward and the silence was killing Calum.  They usually talked easily, never ran out of things to say.  There was always a lot of laughing and teasing and he always felt better with Ashton.  He always felt like he was where he was supposed to be.

 

But the silence…he felt like he didn’t belong there anymore.  Like Ashton had built a wall around himself and he might never laugh with Calum or tell him a story or…he might never kiss him again.  His stomach dropped and he put the tea back on the coffee table.  He couldn’t drink anymore.  “You were right, Ash.  Maybe I should go,” he said, pulling himself up to the front of the couch.

 

Ashton just turned his head and stared at him.  His eyes were watering again, glistening tears pooling in the corners.  He took his glasses off and tossed them on the table.  “I…you don’t have to.”  He looked down and swiped at his eyes.  Calum stared, mouth open a little.  He didn’t know how to react.  He was frozen.

 

“This just sucks, you know Cal?  Because I really, ha ha, I really fucking loved…” Ashton laughed dryly and choked on the last part as he stood up from his chair and started walking towards the stairs with his head down, still rubbing at his eyes.

 

“Ashton wait.  I’ll stay.  I wanna stay,” Calum said, standing up too and maneuvering around the couch to follow Ashton.  He didn’t respond, just kept walking up the steps.  Calum hesitated at the bottom, but he decided to follow him and heard Ashton open his bedroom door when he got to the top of the stairs.  He made his way down the hall and walked through the open door.  Ashton was standing at the window, bright light streaming in.  He was looking outside, but he turned around when he heard Calum come in.

 

“I just don’t get it.  Why couldn’t you just keep it as band practices?  I don’t wanna see you outside of that.  But you’re here every day, just knocking and trying to get in.  I don’t want you here.”  He said it with finality, just staring at Calum.  His eyes were glowing in the sunlight, a warm amber, and they burned holes through Calum where he stood in the doorway.

 

“I was wrong.  I’m here every day because I was wrong Ashton.  I need to apologize to you.  I need you to know I’m not just saying sorry to get what I want because even if I never get you back, I just want you to know I’m so, _so_ sorry.  I’d take it back if I could.  I was scared of you.  I was scared of whatever we had.  I just never….” he trailed off at the end.  He’d been moving closer to Ashton, voice soft and pleading and full of earnest and sincerity.  

 

Ashton stood still.  He didn’t move closer but he didn’t break eye contact.  His voice cracked when he said, “But you said you didn’t want me.”

 

“I know what I said,” Calum said softly.  “I said you were weird.  I said I wanted you to leave me alone.  I said I only wanna fuck girls.”

 

Ashton shook his head slowly.  “I don’t need to hear it again.”

 

“I didn’t mean any of it.  I was such an idiot.  I said it out of fear.  I said it to push you away,” Calum was saying these words like prayers, slow and honest; little confessions.

 

“But you fucked someone.  Right after you said it, you…” Ashton let the words fall into nothing as Calum looked down at the carpet.

 

“I only want you.  I don’t know anything, but I know that.  It’s you, just you.  I love you, Ash.”  He looked up at the last part, meeting Ashton’s eyes again.  Ashton didn’t know if the guilt he saw in Calum’s dark irises was real.  He didn’t know if any of the words were real, but he just wanted him.  He’d wanted him back since the second he’d walked away from him in the rain when he’d found out about the girl in New York.  

 

“You’re a coward,” he said lowly, voice gravely and eyes still locked on Calum’s.

 

“I’m trying.  I wanna be brave.  I wanna be-“ Calum was cut off by Ashton closing the gap between them in two big steps with fire in his eyes and Ashton’s lips, rough and chapped and moving against his own, mouth open and swallowing whatever it was Calum had been ready to say.  His hands were fisted in the front of Calum’s shirt, twisting it against his chest and pulling him close.  Calum could feel them shaking against his collarbone.  He’d been frozen, but he kissed back, falling into the familiar burning end of a cigarette feeling that happened in his stomach and his head and his chest whenever Ashton kissed him like this, sloppy and hard and deep, not caring if his teeth scraped Calum’s lips.

 

Calum moved his hands down the sides of Ashton’s long torso and let them rest at his hips, pulling him in closer.  He was worried this could stop any second and he didn’t want it to.  Ashton held Calum’s face in both hands now and let his tongue slip between Calum’s lips.  It felt like he was trying to suck his soul out through the kiss, trying to steal all his secrets.  

 

He was backing Calum towards the wall and his back hit it with a dull thud. Ashton slid his hands down Calum’s arms and to his wrists, dragging his long fingers along the insides of them for a second before grabbing them roughly and pushing them against the wall above Calum’s head. Ashton had him pinned there and he ghosted his lips along Calum’s jawline, nipping a little and making Calum push his hips up against Ashton’s thigh.  His exhale turned into a moan and he swore he could feel Ashton smirk against his neck before biting down on it, sucking and kissing and teasing with his tongue and his teeth until he had formed a little, purple bruise right above Calum’s collarbone.

 

“Did you miss this?” he asked roughly against Calum’s skin.

 

“I missed everything,” Calum replied breathlessly.  

 

Ashton let Calum’s hands fall and moved his own hands to Calum’s hips, pulling them into his.  He started kissing him again and slipped his tongue between Calum’s swollen lips.  Calum kissed back, his hands on Ashton’s neck and his thumbs tracing soft patterns along Ashton’s jawline.  Ashton reached down and slipped his hands under the hem of Calum’s hoodie, fingernails grazing his chest and stomach, moving up and then back down torturously slow.  He thought of the red, raised marks he must be leaving and he shivered.  A moan escaped his throat and was captured in Calum’s mouth.  Calum lifted his arms up as if asking Ashton to take his shirt off.  They broke apart for a second, long enough for Ashton to lift Calum’s hoodie over his head and throw it on the floor before stopping to look at him.  His hair was a mess and he wasn’t smiling, but his eyes were bright, eyelashes dark and wet.  His tan chest was covered in the scratches Ashton had made with his nails and it moved up and down slowly as he took a few ragged breaths.

 

“Fuck it,” Ashton breathed before he lunged at Calum again, wrapping one of his large hands around Calum’s throat and squeezing a little while he kissed him roughly.  Calum moaned lowly, melting into the kiss.  His knees were weak and Ashton’s grip on his throat made him feel like he was on fire.  He needed Ashton to touch him.  He needed his clothes off.  He needed something.

 

Ashton was moving him towards the bed now and as soon as the back of his knees hit the edge, Ashton was shoving him onto it, obviously not worried about being gentle.  Calum was on his back, propped up on his elbows with his legs hanging over the end of the bed, feet not quite touching the floor.  He watched Ashton drop to his knees and work the button on Calum’s jeans.  He got it pretty quickly and pulled them down even quicker.  He looked up at Calum through messy hair and thick eyelashes before moving his hands up Calum’s thighs as slow as he could, letting his fingertips drag over the tan skin that turned pale at the hem of his boxers.  Ashton smirked and moved his pretty lips down towards Calum’s cock.  He mouthed at him through his boxers, hot wet breath making Calum moan and close his eyes at the feeling.

 

“’S it good, Calum?” he asked against his thigh, dragging his teeth slowly over Calum’s skin and biting down a little.

 

“Ash, yes.  Yes, please, just touch me…fuck,” Calum breathed shakily.

 

Ashton laughed a little.  “Not yet.  I want you to do something for me first.”

 

Calum opened his eyes and watched as Ashton sucked another little bruise into the inside of his thigh.  “What do you want me to do?  I’ll do it,” he said, and the desperate tone in his voice made Ashton’s stomach flip, but he tried not to show it.

 

“I want you to suck me off.  Make me come, and then when I say, you can too.”

 

Calum whimpered at that.  He’d never seen Ashton like this.  He knew it was because of their fight, but it was still probably the hottest, best thing that had ever happened to him, ever.  And he figured maybe it could be even hotter if… “Come here, then.”

 

Ashton looked confused, but Calum just stared at him until he got the point.  He stood up from where he’d been kneeling and peeled off his skinny jeans, then his boxers.  He hesitated, then pulled his shirt over his head too.  He was tan and toned and completely hard and Calum couldn’t wait to make his legs shake.  He missed it so much he was ready to beg for it.

 

Ashton had been looking down at his feet, but he looked up through his hair when he felt Calum staring at him.  His eyes were burning slow, smoldering, angry and sad and wanting and Calum felt sick for a second.  He felt like stopping this and just holding Ashton, laying soft kisses on top of his head and the sides of his face and his shoulders.  He just wanted to fix everything.

 

“Stop looking sad, Calum and suck me off,” Ashton said, voice lower and without the hint of a melody that it usually carried.  Calum ground his teeth together, clenching his jaw and then releasing.  

 

“Okay.” He sat up a little and grabbed Ashton’s hand, pulling him towards the bed and guiding him up so that he was straddling Calum.  His muscular thighs were bent on either side of Calum’s hips and his erection was pressed up against Calum’s and Calum just wanted him to hold his wrists above his head and kiss him again, but he had his orders so he looked up at Ashton, met his eyes and pulled his hips forward, higher until his knees were on either side of Calum’s head and he was straddling his broad shoulders.  Calum grabbed Ashton’s shaft and pumped a few times, twisting his wrist the way he knew Ashton liked.  He was still looking up at Ashton, but Ashton’s eyes were closed and his lips were parted a little bit.  And when Calum leaned up a little and wrapped his lips around the head of Ashton’s cock he watched through thick eyelashes as Ashton inhaled sharply and held his breath.  He moaned on the exhale as Calum swallowed him down until the tip of his cock hit the back of Calum’s throat.  

 

Calum had virtually no gag reflex, but he moaned around Ashton, humming against him and sucking noisily, up and down, running his tongue along the slit every time he pulled up.  He had his hand around the base and kept pumping as he bobbed up and down, cheeks hollowed and eyes watering.  He never stopped looking at Ashton.  Ashton’s hands were on Calum’s shoulders, nails digging into his skin and leaving crescent-shaped marks.  He opened his eyes and watched Calum take him deeper and deeper, over and over.  He was breathing hard and his moans were low, almost growls.  “Calum, fuck, don’t stop,” he breathed and pushed his hips forward, trying to feel more.

 

Calum squeezed Ashton’s thigh with the hand that wasn’t on his dick.  His muscles flexed every time he thrusted into Calum’s mouth and for a second Calum thought he might be able to come just from this, just from watching Ashton unravel on top of him.  His jaw was starting to hurt, but he didn’t stop, just pumped harder.  Ashton tilted his head back, chest heaving and little moans pouring down from his mouth.  “Calum, fuck, just…I’m gonna, I’m almost…fuck Calum.”  Calum felt Ashton twitch in his mouth and with a few more thrusts he came, hot and thick on the back of Calum’s tongue, saying Calum’s name over and over. He tasted salty and warm and Calum swallowed twice to take it all.  He felt Ashton shiver as he came down and Calum pulled off of him after one last suck.  He was looking up at him, but he was still afraid to smile.  He didn’t feel safe.  He was afraid this was it; afraid this was the last time they were going to be together.  A goodbye thing.  His eyes welled up a little, and he pulled Ashton’s face down to meet his own before he could cry. He ghosted his lips across Ashton’s and then pulled him into a kiss.  He licked into his mouth and let him taste himself.  He carded his hands through Ashton’s curls and ran his fingertips down his cheeks gently, trying to memorize the feeling.  He breathed in his smell, his sweat and cologne and shampoo and just something warm he’d never been able to name.  “I love you.  I promise.  I promise everything.  I love you, Ash, please,” he whispered against his lips.  He didn’t know what he was asking.  He just wanted to prove that he wouldn’t go again.  He wanted Ashton to know he wasn’t scared of staying anymore.  He was scared of leaving.

 

Ashton pulled away and stared into his eyes.  His face was close and he was propped up on his forearms over Calum’s body.  “I love you too.  I just can’t watch you go again.  I can’t hear about you with anyone else.  You can’t do that.”  Ashton breathed in and his voice got weaker when he said, “You scare me more than I scared you.”

 

Calum pulled him down so that their foreheads were touching and Calum’s arms were slung over Ashton’s shoulders.  “I’ll never go again.  Just give me this chance.  I’m here.  I’m right here.”

 

Ashton didn’t answer, just tilted his face until his lips met Calum’s.  He kissed him slow and deep and loving and then he opened his mouth, licked into Calum’s, bit his lip, pulled him closer.  They moved so that they were on their sides and Ashton ran his hand down Calum’s warm torso, hooked his fingers in Calum’s boxers and pulled them down around his thighs.  He grabbed his cock in his hand and pumped slow and soft, teasing him into little moans that turned into air when he exhaled into Ashton’s mouth through parted lips.  Ashton smiled against Calum’s mouth.  “Please, Ash…” he begged and pushed against Ashton’s hand.

 

Ashton kissed him again and rolled over to open the drawer on the bedside table and take out a bottle of lube.  He turned back to Calum and pulled him in so that their bodies were pressed against each other.  Ashton was hard again and Calum moved against him, just wanting some friction.  Ashton poured a little of the lube onto his fingers and reached over Calum.  He slid a finger between his cheeks and found the hole, sliding in easily.  Calum bit down lightly on his shoulder and moaned.  Ashton began moving, hooking his finger and twisting gently to open Calum up.  Calum pushed down on his finger and leaned his forehead against Ashton’s chin.

 

“More?” Ashton asked softly.  

 

“Yeah,” Calum breathed and Ashton felt his body tense, then relax as he slid another finger into Calum.  He started to scissor them gently.  They’d done this before, but it had been a few months and he wanted to make sure Calum was ready.  He added another finger after a few minutes while he laid soft kissed to Calum’s jaw and cheeks.  He knew he’d hit Calum’s prostate when he arched into Ashton’s touch and moaned his name.  “Ash, please…I want you to fuck me,” he said in a thick voice.  

 

Ashton slid his fingers out and the sudden loss made Calum open his eyes.  He watched as Ashton kneeled in front of him and poured a little more lube on his hand.  He slicked himself up and grabbed Calum’s knees, spreading them apart and pushing his thighs up towards his shoulders.  He leaned down and licked a thick stripe up the bottom of Calum’s cock, making him shudder before Ashton propped himself up on his knees and put his cock between Calum’s cheeks.  He watched Calum’s face as he pushed in slowly.  Calum closed his eyes and his hands were fisting the bed sheets.  “Relax, Cal,” Ashton said shakily, wanting to moan at how tight and hot Calum felt around him, but he held back.  “Relax.  Just feel it.  I want you to feel everything.”  He started moving in and out and watched Calum open his eyes and look down.  They were both watching Ashton move in and out of Calum and Calum whined a little.  “Ash, Ashton, oh.”  Ashton let out a deep growl and dug his fingertips into Calum’s thighs, pushing them higher, closer to his shoulders.  He still went slow, in and out, but he was deep.  He kept hitting Calum’s prostate and dragging himself out torturously slow, so much friction.  Calum was breathing deep, still clutching the sheets, but enjoying every sensation.  He opened his eyes to look at Ashton and he was transfixed.  Ashton was sweating a little, chest heaving and his hair in his eyes and his eyes lidded, looking down at himself inside Calum.  Calum groaned at that.  

 

“Ash, harder, please.  Make me come,” Calum begged.  Ashton looked up at him darkly as if warning him that what he’d just asked was dangerous.  Calum swallowed thickly and with that Ashton began to move faster, thrusting in and out, hard and deep.  Calum moaned over and over saying Ashton’s name until it didn’t sound like a word at all.  Finally he was coming in hot spurts over his stomach, completely untouched except for the lick from before.  Ashton looked down at the mess Calum had made and then up at Calum’s face, eyes closed and mouth open.  He kept thrusting fast, concentrating on the feeling building in his stomach.  

 

“Do you feel good Calum?” he breathed as he watched Calum’s eyes open, peaceful and dark and completely blown out with sex and love and a million other emotions.  

 

“Mhm, you’re so good Ash.  I want you to come in me, please.”  That was what Ashton needed.  He needed to hear him say it.  He pushed one more time and fell off, coming into Calum and filling him up.  He closed his eyes and rocked forward, twitching inside Calum as he came down.    He collapsed onto Calum’s chest and fell out of him slowly.  His shoulders were shaking a little and Calum felt it, pulled him close and held him tight against his chest.  He buried his face in Ashton’s neck and breathed into his hair, pressed his lips to his earlobe.  “It’s okay.  Let’s just stay like this.  I love you.”

 

“You promise this is real?” Ashton said shakily against Calum’s cheek.  

 

“I swear,” Calum whispered.

 

They lay like that for an hour, talking about nothing and everything, whispering and laughing, crying and finally it felt safe.  It felt warm and unbreakable and real and new.  Calum suggested they get a shower and they did and after they helped each other dry off, Calum lead Ashton downstairs by the hand and he turned on some cartoons and turned the TV up and the lights on and they cleaned up the dishes and the books and the spilled cereal and crumbs.  And as Ashton looked up at Calum from under his arm where they cuddled on the couch, he knew everything was going to be okay and that forgiving him was okay.  And he was glad he finally let him in.


End file.
